Just had to share

This is by far the cutest thing on the Internet. This woman is on maternity leave, and doing the blog as her project. She imagines what her baby girl is dreaming about while she naps, and then creates that scene around her. I could never be this creative or motivated!

Brutal Honesty

The last four months have been humbling for me. Becoming a mother is humbling - you learn that you don't know everything, can't do everything, and that your baby will be different from the babies in the books and your friends' babies.

I've learned I am a limited person. There's only so much I can handle. Example: the other day, in the afternoon Isaac was on his third or fourth hour of fussing, with very little napping (20

minutes tops?) and I was changing his diaper, and he was just screaming, and I had to take a second to just close my eyes and breathe. I'm working on "resiliency."

Additionally, being laid off (or I guess more accurately, "fired") is quite humbling. And then, being unemployed and job hunting is its own kind of humbling: "Do I meet the minimum requirements?" "Could I handle this job if I were to be hired?" It's difficult to sell myself effectively through countless cover letters.

Fortunately, while I have been humbled (which, I think, was exactly what I needed), I really don't think I'm in a crisis, and I feel very secure in the Lord. I know He will provide! If I'm being honest with myself, I know I never would have quit my old job on my own. So I'm excited to see what His new plan is for me. I also know He won't give me more than I can handle with Isaac.

This sweet, punkin boy. I am so incredibly grateful for my time at home with him. He certainly has challenging days, but he's so snuggly and has the sweetest little giggle. He is almost four months old and is changing so quickly! He has two teeth already (so we've been dealing with the joys of teething) and he's been trying so hard to roll over! Soon I will be buying fleece to protect the new crib from the beaver baby (when he can sit and pull himself up to chew on crib rails)!

If that's not love, folks, I don't know what is

I love being a mom. I have this fun little guy to hang out with every day. He needs me, and I think I need him too! He has been such a blessing to us, and he's so strong and healthy, I really feel lucky. He's also a trooper - he has been all over the place with us, spending just about as much time away from home lately as at home. First we went to Phoenix for eight days, then we spent a week out at my parents' lake cabin with my sister. This last weekend we were in Spokane and Coeur d'Alene to see family and watch the Ironman race. Isaac has handled most of this extremely well. He adapts really well to new environments, and charms everyone he sees.

BUT (there's always a but, right?) he's in a phase right now where he HATES the car. He'll scream when we get him in his car seat until he runs out of voice or energy. Sometimes this means 10 minutes, other times it means 45. I read in a magazine that when you have a crying infant in your car, your driving skills diminish by 50%. The article suggested that when your baby starts to cry, find a safe place to pull over and attend to him. Well, since Isaac doesn't really "need" anything (he's always freshly fed and diapered), attending to him really wouldn't be much help at all. Plus, we'd never get anywhere. So, I guess the poor little guy will just have to learn to deal with the car.

So on Sunday as we were headed back to Pullman from Spokane, Isaac cried for a few minutes, fell asleep, and slept most of the way in the car, which is wonderful. But then he woke up hungry just as we arrived home. I took him inside and he just started screaming. I mean, full-on, out-and-out, hysterical, I HATE BEING ALIVE screaming. So I changed his diaper. He proceeded to scream, and pee all over me and the nursery. Got the new diaper on, and picked him up to comfort him. More SCREAMING. Then he projectile-vomited, managing to cover himself, me, the dresser, and the carpet in puke. Finally he calmed down with his bottle, and all was right in his world again, but it was one of those 10-minute parenting snapshots that you wish you could videotape and show to high school kids as teen pregnancy prevention education.

I would not endure 45-minute car crying sessions or being covered in bodily fluid for everyone. But I will, gladly, for this little punkin. Here he is in his life jacket at the lake, looking particularly chunky.

Turning Points

We've come to several turning points in our lives, I think.

1) Jeremy's brother Andrew got married last Saturday. It was a stunning, Godly wedding and we are SO happy for them! I hope they are having a safe, glorious time in Taiwan. We had an incredible time vacationing in Arizona, although traveling with a baby is high stress! The bridal party:

Us at the Grand Canyon:

2) My sister is getting married, exactly one month from today. How exciting! Wedding craziness begins on Saturday with her Bridal Shower.

3) Isaac has had his own turning point, just becoming such a fun little guy! He smiles (almost laughs) at me every day, has really started STARING at things, and is developing a little personality. I love seeing him hang out in his Exer-saucer, because he LOVES being upright and checking out those toys! Here he is swimming in AZ:

4) I find myself abruptly and unexpectedly unemployed. I found out a few weeks ago that my contract is not being renewed for next year, so I am contemplating what to do next. Of course Isaac is so little that it would be nice to stay home with him for a little while, so I'm not job-hunting real aggressively yet. I was disappointed to see my job come to an end, but I know God has a plan and I know it will be a good one. Because of that, I'm actually kindof excited to see what comes next!

Intro to Summer

Ugh, I can't believe I haven't done a post since the labor story a month ago. I hear moms say it all the time, but time FLIES with a little baby. We are having so much fun with Isaac, learning a lot, and doing a lot of snuggling. He's a great baby - a little fussy sometimes because of his reflux, but just loves to snuggle and sleeps really well at night! He's sleeping 6 1/2 to 7 1/2 hours straight every night now, ever since he turned seven weeks old. It was like a switch flipped for him, and he could sleep really well all of a sudden. I know we're lucky in that regard. Jeremy and I are both people who LOVE sleep, so we're feeling very blessed with a baby who likes to sleep too.

Isaac has reflux (as mentioned above). Like father like son, I guess. Jeremy is on Prilosec and Isaac is on infant Zantac. Also it turns out we were overfeeding him (he's 12 lbs 10 oz already!), so we've cut down on his amount of food, which makes him want to eat more often (every two hours!). But I've come to the conclusion that he is just a hungry baby.

A week from today we are heading down to Arizona to spend a week with family before Jeremy's brother gets married down there. It should be a really fun vacation and I am excited for the heat and the time spent with family. A family wedding is such a great way to kick off summer! Then, we get to do it all over again when my sister gets married in July.

This summer will be so fun! Now, if it would heat up to more than 45 degrees during the day in Pullman!

The labor story

Going into my labor, I had a few goals: 1) Try and labor at home as long as possible before going to the hospital. 2) Try to give birth without pain meds – I would take them if I thought it was necessary, but wanted to try it without. 3) Breastfeed as soon as possible after delivery. The Lord teaches us lessons. Mine was that things don’t go along with my plan, but His.

Being two days past my due date felt like I had gone two weeks past. J I know that’s silly to say, but because the doctors had been telling me I’d “most likely deliver early” due to the gestational diabetes, I thought for sure I would have had a baby by my due date! Of course most first time moms go past their due dates, so two days was really no big deal, but I honestly felt like I couldn’t possibly be pregnant one second longer. And Jeremy was itching to become a dad, so I was doing all I could to stimulate labor contractions! I’d gone on long walks, eaten spicy food, and yes, we’d tried having sex, too, which is an accomplishment at 40+ weeks pregnant!! Saturday night (3/27) I read on the Internet that pineapple can stimulate labor. So I ate half a pineapple before bed.

At four o’clock in the morning, I started having contractions. They were about 15 minutes apart, so I tried to sleep in between and lasted for about 2 hours before I woke Jeremy up and told him I was in labor. I took a 6:00 a.m. shower, because I wanted to be clean if this was the day the baby was coming, and I couldn’t sleep any more. Afterward I ate breakfast, called the parents and siblings, and finished packing the hospital bag. (P.S. It’s hard to do those things while in active labor!) At 8:45, I called the hospital to let them know I would be coming in soon, because my contractions were 7-10 minutes apart, and lasting 45-90 seconds. They said I’d probably be okay if I wanted to stay home and labor for another hour or so, that would be fine, but then to come in.

At 9:15, things really started moving quickly. I told Jeremy I didn’t want to wait any more for his mom (my doula) and that it was REALLY time to go to the hospital. Now. So off we went, and we’re probably lucky we live in a small town, and it’s only five minutes to Pullman Regional, because I had a contraction in the car and another at the reception desk. The nurses got me into my room and my gown very quickly, and checked my cervix. I was 8 centimeters dilated and in transition! Since I was Strep B positive, they threw an IV in my arm (for antibiotics) and called the doc, saying “Get here right away – baby’s coming!” At this point, the nurses expected the baby to come within the hour.

Hearing that, two thoughts crossed my mind: 1) I’m not ready to push – this is going way too fast, and 2) If I’ve come this far without pain meds, I can certainly last another hour. So the doctor arrives, and confirms that I’m 8 cm along, and he breaks my water, thinking it will stimulate the last two centimeters of dilation. Pretty soon after this, I start feeling the urge to push, and the nurses and my doula are encouraging me to do whatever my body says (which is nice). The doctor came in and watched me push for a while, and told me that the baby was “sunnyside-up,” meaning instead of coming out facing the floor, he wanted to come out facing the ceiling, which is a problem because that means I would have to push out the widest part of his head. The doc says if I continue to push, and try different positions, the baby could turn as he descends down the birth canal. So I spent the next 2 ½ hours pushing in different positions. I tried a reclining position, the birthing ball, squatting, right side, left side, hands and knees, and worst of all, the “Texas Roll,” which is a modern form of torture where my head was lowered below my hips, and I was pushing upward. Two words to sum it up: excruciating and exhausting.

In the end, the baby’s heart rate stopped recovering after each contraction and attempt at pushing. The doc told me I’d probably have to have a cesarean section, which of course I didn’t want, but after my ordeal, I was just ready for it all to END, so I was happy to sign the release form (in a very shaky hand, by the way) and start prepping for surgery.

Now, as I mentioned before, Pullman is a very small hospital. And this was a Sunday. On Sundays Pullman Regional only staffs one anesthesiology team, and they were already tied up in a surgery they couldn’t leave. I was told that we were waiting on a team to come over from Moscow, ID (8 miles away). All in all, it took an hour from the point when the doc said a C-section was necessary until I was wheeled into the OR. The nurses had tried to give me some medication to stop my contractions, but they were going so strong at that point that it only served to slow them down some (every 5 minutes instead of every 2). I was very grouchy that this medicine didn’t work all the way! The nurses were VISIBLY worried about the baby, crowding around the monitor and pressing the Doppler into my belly quite hard, to get accurate readings.

The following are the things that were happening at this point that I was not aware of (thank goodness): 1) The anesthesiologist from Idaho was in question because nobody knew if he was licensed to practice in Washington. 2) There was talk of moving me to Moscow via ambulance or to Spokane via helicopter if the team did not work out VERY SOON. 3) The doctor was quite upset, arguing with people on the phone and not speaking to my family about what was going on, because of his concern for the baby.

In the end, it all worked out. The Idaho anesthesiologist was licensed to practice in Washington. He got there in time. The surgery prep team was wonderful and kept me calm. They gave me a spinal, and from the moment the pain was gone, I was a happy camper. Jeremy said when he came into the OR I had a goofy smile on my face. They delivered Isaac within minutes, I heard him scream and got to kiss him before he went to the nursery with dad, then had a nice chat with the docs and the anesthesiologist while they stitched me up. Isaac was able to come into the recovery room while they monitored me, so that we could breastfeed as soon as possible after the surgery.

As it turned out, Isaac was wrapped twice with his umbilical cord, once around his neck and once around his abdomen. So, try as I might, every time I tried to push him out, the cord would bungee him back up. There would have been no way I could have delivered him vaginally. Thank God for modern medicine - I'm scared to think what might have happened if a C-section wasn't an option. The postpartum hospital stay (3 nights post-cesarean) was wonderful, from the nurses to the pediatricians to the food, it was all great! Next time, I know I have the option to do another C-section or try and deliver vaginally. If I do try, one word – EPIDURAL. Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad I tried it once without meds, and the pain was most certainly worth it. I just don’t see any reason to do it again!! One last note - Jeremy would have made a good doctor. He's very cute in scrubs! I know someone got a picture of him - I'll have to find it. :)

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

Okay, so I probably won't hit ALL the ways, but quite a few! For my baby, Isaac Raymond Wang, born at 2:55 p.m. on March 28th, 2010, the reason I haven't done a blog post in almost a month.

1. I love that you are put here to challenge your parents, and make your mom a stronger person! From your very entrance to the world (labor story coming soon) you were big on the drama and suspense!

2. I love that you baffle nurses. You baffled them when you would NOT come out of mom. You baffled them when you were so BIG (8 lbs 12 oz, 21 inches long). You baffled them when your blood sugar kept spiking and dropping that first night. You baffled them when you SCREAMED a lot in the hospital (they said you must have quite a temper). You baffled them when you kept testing positive for jaundice but they didn't think you looked yellow at all. You baffled them when you gained a full POUND in five days. "Average" is not in your vocabulary.

3. I love that when you're nursing you can go from content to OUTRAGED in 2 seconds. You can also go from "screaming bloody murder" to "sleeping" in 2 seconds.

4. I love your newborn smiles, even if they just mean that you're peeing.

5. Speaking of bodily functions, I love that I can hear you fart/poop from across our entire house.

6. I love that you were born with a full head of hair (and a widow's peak like your daddy) and blue eyes. I'm excited to see what color they become permanently.

7. I love the way you smell - even when you're poopy.

8. I love that you're not a screamer. Please oh please, stay that way, for mommy and daddy's sanity.
9. I love that even though you're not very good at nursing, you go at it FULL FORCE, so you still get enough nourishment and we don't have to supplement with formula. We're team, and we'll get better over time!

10. I love that you sleep with your arms up over your head, and you wiggle them out of the swaddle! The nurses said this is because you did a 9-month handstand on my bladder. Sounds about right!

11. I love that you could hold your head up (for short periods of time) at 2 days old.

12. I love the bond you and your daddy have, already. I know you guys will be best buds.